Ode to A-L

A thousand silences
yet nothing echoes as quietly as
the world after your last breath

in the same second
I heard my heart break
like thin porcelain
crushed against marble
scattered throughout
my chest

tried to shout for you
come back
I lost my words
my thoughts
my ability to stick together
reality felt unreal
my entire being
ached 

your face so peaceful
your hand still in mine
death does not rule
on our bond
never leave me
I need your guiding voice
if not around me
then within me

I don't know how to handle this
selfishly enough 
I just cry
and cry 
and cry in the dark

you were a role model
a hero
a constant inspiration
you've saved me
you made me strong
you've healed
all the hurt in me
with your
magical existence. 

And after all we've talked about, I promise you this : 

I promise to start following my heart.
I promise to always write.
I promise not to read too much about war.
I promise to dance.
I promise to marry someone trustworthy who loves me infinitely. 
I promise to always protect my family.
I promise never to downgrade.
I promise to constantly strive for more knowledge.
I promise to live here and now.
I promise to be grateful, adversity notwithstanding.
I promise to love genuinely and a lot,
life is too short for anything else.
I promise never to change for anyone,
my character is not for everyone, but it's perfect for the right people
and finally, I promise you
I'll avoid anything that does not give me peace. 

I miss you, you know....
I miss your voice and how you say my name
before explaining something wise.
I miss the scent of your Lancôme perfume
and your true elegance along with your
beautiful revelation. 

You were my softest weapon,
you were the one who always knew
I was fire but gave me petrol.
There're really no words to justify you.

....thank you for always making me feel it's easy to be me.

I love you always and forever. 

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